A Trauma from Past

Domestic Abuse, sexual harassment & physical abuse at schools are major core issues that we must deal with in our country. A few weeks ago, I read a saying which goes like this:

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Frederick Douglass

We must ask ourselves the question whether we’re building our society that is friendly to the suppressed class namely the children, the women & the religious minorities! Incidents of rape, molestation & physical abuse are brought to our attention every day at now a greater & concerning rate. Damaged children of today may turn out to be a danger for the society of tomorrow.

Now, I have not done any research on my part and this is not an article about research and findings. This is just about my experience of an abusive teacher during my childhood. I have continued to think about my experiences throughout my childhood and now, I finally managed enough courage to write back to that teacher. This man is now a “rector” at a church in the USA & preaches love, compassion & God to the people. I thought writing to him may help me with some closure but seeing his reply has me terribly disappointed and hence I have decided to write about the incidents openly. I have changed the names as my intention is not to malign anyone’s character.

My letter to him went like this:

“Dear Sir,

I hope you’re well. I hope you’re happy & inspiring the people around you with positivity. I am writing to you to bring to your attention a few things from my days at your school. I know & remember that I was a very very mischievous child.

The first time Kashif & I tried to pull off a little prank, he taught me to say “Yaice Opener Yaice” & hit the boys in our class in their private parts. I did that to Ahmed (a class fellow of mine). He came to you to complain. You called Kashif & myself to your office and beat the hell out of us after school hours. I understand now that this act of ours was a horrible thing to do but I was 8 years old back then. I didn’t know that. For all I knew, this was WWE-esque. But you just picked up your stick and bashed us for I don’t even remember how many hours. The resulting PTSD was so severe that I continued to have regular nightmares of being locked in a dark room with you beating me throughout my childhood. Ever time you visited our classroom, I would start shivering and would drench in sweat as the same vision would take over me. About 17 years later, I find the courage to just narrate the experiences to you.

A couple of years after that incident, Muhammad (another class fellow of mine) told you about an incident where I pulled down Usman’s pants as a prank. This time, again, you locked me up in your room and beat me with your stick for I don’t even remember how long it was. Few weeks after that, you saw some peanut husk and shells on our classroom floor and our sweeper of the time, Mukhtar, told you that it was me who had thrown it. You decided to give me another beating. These 3 major incidents have been the building blocks of my lifelong battle with PTSD & Clinical depression. I am still trying to fight this with the help of psychiatrists and therapists. I’ve never told this to anyone in my family or friends. This has only stayed between my doctors & myself. And now, you.

I wish there was a way for you to have chosen love & compassion instead of the negative reinforcement. I have gathered too much strength to write to you today. I just want you to know that there are many, many things that you taught me that have helped build the good part of my personality as well but these incidents also shaped a very, very troubled childhood for me.

I hold no grudges against you at all. I am sorry if you find this offensive. That is not my intention.

Warm Regards,

AM”

The response I got was:

“Dear A,

I don’t find it offensive. I am glad that you are talking. And if your talking to me helps you, that would be the best thing ever. Please feel free to email me”

Sometimes, small actions create a ripple….

Most of the trauma of adult life can be traced back to a troubled childhood. This is not a story of sexual harassment but one of physical abuse. Our society needs the better understanding of a child’s psyche and how to create a positive environment for them to develop in. Children of today are leaders of tomorrow.

A saying from the movie Scent of a Woman goes like this:

“As I came in here, I heard those words, "cradle of leadership." Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here; it has fallen. Makers of men; creators of leaders; be careful what kind of leaders you're producin' here.“

Harassed, molested & troubled children of today will be the leaders of our societies tomorrow. Are we producing morally fit and sound leaders? Or do we need to think at the grassroots level?

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